I watched a movie the other day in which someone's final advice to his daughter was "regret nothing" and this seems to be the catch cry of our age. Do what you want, and as long as you get off scot free, everything is all good. We aim to live without any regrets. Here we run up against a problem though. This problem is that regret is our way of telling us that something we did, we didn't want to do. What about the people who say that they regret nothing because whatever they did is what makes them what they are today? This also is stupid, what made them what they are today is regret. It made them say "Y'know what, I'm not going to do that again". Regret is the point at which you say "I wish I didn't do that" or "I wish I could take that back" or "That was a dumb thing for me to do". Yes, to some extent you actions made you what you are today, but in the end it is your actions mixed with your regret that finish the job.
There are many things that I regret doing, many of them are what made me what I am today but only with the regret. If I didn't regret what I had done, I would still be doing them and therefore, I wouldn't be what I am - I would be what I was. As for not regretting things because they've built you to where you are, you can still regret what you've done. As I've said, regret is simply wishing something that either has happened to you or that you've done hadn't. This means that this approach makes about as much sense as saying "I don't regret putting too much flour in the cake, because this only made it what it is", it may not be a major problem, but you still get a flawed cake.
Regret is part of the human condition; it is a greater instinct because it learns. Where instinct may be tempered by experience (ie you may learn how much instinct is right or you might piece things together more efficiently), regret is a definite; you learn yes and no through it. To live without regrets may be an ideal, but it is an ideal that can not be achieved unless either you're perfect, you don't learn, or you don't care.
In saying all of this, regret is not necessarily a good thing. Regret is also part what makes us wallow in self pity, it makes us stay up at night wishing that things had gone differently, it can hold us back especially if we regret something we shouldn't.
Looking around at what other people have said about regret, it seems that most people take regret in terms of the positives, i.e. I will not regret the positive things that I have done, but I will regret the positive things I haven't done. This is how people can say that they wish to live without regret. The error in this line of thinking is that regret also refers to negatives, i.e. regret the negative things I have done and don't regret the negative things I haven't done. Thoreau once said that "to regret deeply is to live afresh" and it is. When you regret deeply, you make the unconscious decision to live differently next time.
So, after all that, how do I wrap up regret?
Regret must be resolved. It has to be dealt with so that you can move on from what you have done. That isn't to say that it should be forgotten, forgive and forget is one of the more stupid maxims in our culture, but it should be put away and filed under experience.
Regret must never be the end of something. If you simply regret your actions, you always will, but you will regret it the next time you do it as well.
and thirdly, Regret is both positive and negative. It is both a tool for learning and a tool for self loathing, a way of moving on from things and a way to get stuck in them permanently.
Finally, two different people have said things which sum up societies attitudes to regret and the two main views of it. Judge for yourself.
I want to live my life so that my nights are full of regrets. - Fitzgerald
and secondly
I want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets - D.H.Lawrence
There are many things that I regret doing, many of them are what made me what I am today but only with the regret. If I didn't regret what I had done, I would still be doing them and therefore, I wouldn't be what I am - I would be what I was. As for not regretting things because they've built you to where you are, you can still regret what you've done. As I've said, regret is simply wishing something that either has happened to you or that you've done hadn't. This means that this approach makes about as much sense as saying "I don't regret putting too much flour in the cake, because this only made it what it is", it may not be a major problem, but you still get a flawed cake.
Regret is part of the human condition; it is a greater instinct because it learns. Where instinct may be tempered by experience (ie you may learn how much instinct is right or you might piece things together more efficiently), regret is a definite; you learn yes and no through it. To live without regrets may be an ideal, but it is an ideal that can not be achieved unless either you're perfect, you don't learn, or you don't care.
In saying all of this, regret is not necessarily a good thing. Regret is also part what makes us wallow in self pity, it makes us stay up at night wishing that things had gone differently, it can hold us back especially if we regret something we shouldn't.
Looking around at what other people have said about regret, it seems that most people take regret in terms of the positives, i.e. I will not regret the positive things that I have done, but I will regret the positive things I haven't done. This is how people can say that they wish to live without regret. The error in this line of thinking is that regret also refers to negatives, i.e. regret the negative things I have done and don't regret the negative things I haven't done. Thoreau once said that "to regret deeply is to live afresh" and it is. When you regret deeply, you make the unconscious decision to live differently next time.
So, after all that, how do I wrap up regret?
Regret must be resolved. It has to be dealt with so that you can move on from what you have done. That isn't to say that it should be forgotten, forgive and forget is one of the more stupid maxims in our culture, but it should be put away and filed under experience.
Regret must never be the end of something. If you simply regret your actions, you always will, but you will regret it the next time you do it as well.
and thirdly, Regret is both positive and negative. It is both a tool for learning and a tool for self loathing, a way of moving on from things and a way to get stuck in them permanently.
Finally, two different people have said things which sum up societies attitudes to regret and the two main views of it. Judge for yourself.
I want to live my life so that my nights are full of regrets. - Fitzgerald
and secondly
I want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets - D.H.Lawrence
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