My last post (where I got angry), highlighted something to me. It seems to me that the meaning of love has changed somewhat. It has become trivialised, and almost conversely been made an ultimately attainable ideal (something that is a virtual impossibility - if everyone can reach the ideal, it isn't really an ideal; there is another level that you can get). It seems to me that now, the meaning of love is sex. People make love, or after they have sex, they are 'in love'. I have no doubt that the 12 year old mother and the 15 year old father say that love each other, but I have serious doubts about the veracity of this statement. A few years ago, love was called a feeling, or sometimes, it was more than a feeling, but it had no manifestation in reality, there was no qualitative test for it except for the amount you felt or said that you felt. I disagree with both of these definitions. Yes both of these can fit into an understanding of love, but neither are a true meaning, the best I can say about these are that they are a symptom rather than a condition - which is not to say that love is an illness or a disease.
I would like to illustrate what Love is with a few actual happenings, not hypotheticals. The first one happened on the 28th of April 1996 - the Port Arthur massacre. You may wonder how I can find love in this situation where 35 people were killed and 21 were injured. This will be revealed. The second is a friend of mine and his Love for his wife. The final one is a bit of a conglomeration.
On the day of the Port Arthur massacre, Martin Bryant shot and killed 35 people in a matter of minutes, the first 12 killed and 10 injured happened within 15 seconds. In this time, once people got over the initial shock, something amazing happened. Many of the later injuries in this original killing, happened while the victims were trying to defend their friends or family, men stood in between the gun and their wives, or pushed their daughters under the table where they stayed safer, one man physically lay on top of his wife in an attempt to save her life - one which was ultimately successful. These people, who were in the majority of victims, all died while literally taking the bullet for people they loved. This is Love, they were willing to lay down their lives for the people that they cared about.
The next incident refers to a friend of mine. He is moderately elderly (mid 50's) and his wife was diagnosed as having early onset Alzhiemer's Syndrome, a degenerative disease affecting the brain. She survived longer than expected, 7 years. During this time, she lived in a nursing home so that she could be cared for by people who knew how best to look after her. Despite not being the primary caregiver, he visited her at least once every day, usually over lunch. He retired so that he would be able to spend more time with her. In the later stages of her life, she barely remembered anything, this included his face, voice, name, and only really how to eat and sleep. Despite this, he continued to visit her daily, right up until her death, feeding her lunch, showering her, all the things that needed to be done for her comfort and continued health. This also is Love. He freely gave of himself with no ulterior gain; he got nothing out of his continued care for her, except for spending time with her, the care could quite possibly have been given more efficiently by those trained to give it and yet because of his love for her, he couldn't stand idly by and let others care for her when he could be.
The final illustration happened through a couple of people both separately but as a result of the same event. The first happening was the actions of Ian 'Jack' Cutmore. This man died while trying to save the lives of his two step-daughters, who were twins, and one of his sons while they were swimming in a local lake. He pulled the girls out and held up his son, who was rescued. However, to do this, he got himself trapped in the same mud and silt that the children were trapped in. He died at the scene. These actions are similar to those seen at Port Arthur, but differ slightly. Unlike those at Port Arthur, he could have saved himself, had he not gone back the second time, or had he not been so single minded in his aims. The second part happened as a result of this. The biological father of the twin girls who were saved, started doing everything that he could for the family. He was already on good terms with the entire family, consisting of Jack's children from his first marriage, Jack's widow's children from her marriage with the biological father, and their own children, but this shifted into a new gear. He held an auction, donating everything that he decided he didn't need to be sold to raise money for a car for 9, education for eight, food and hopefully be able to keep their house out of town. He headed up a donation trust fund for the kids. This also is Love similar to my friends display of love with his wife. He gave, not all of his time, but much of his belongings for, not just his kids, but also his ex-wife and her children and step-children. For this, he got nothing except respect from those who respect this sort of thing.
These are all good examples of real love, not the romantic kind which seems to dominate our awareness, especially through Hollywood.
For further listening, look up a few songs which cover the different types of 'love'
- Let me put my love into you - AC/DC
- Never fall in love again - Burt Bacharach
- Fields of Gold - The Police (nice... but eventually useless)
Or slightly better
- I don't have anything - VAST
- Lady D'arbanville - Cat Stevens (doesn't really make sense until later on, and still more about his confusion and inability to believe the situation)
I would like to illustrate what Love is with a few actual happenings, not hypotheticals. The first one happened on the 28th of April 1996 - the Port Arthur massacre. You may wonder how I can find love in this situation where 35 people were killed and 21 were injured. This will be revealed. The second is a friend of mine and his Love for his wife. The final one is a bit of a conglomeration.
On the day of the Port Arthur massacre, Martin Bryant shot and killed 35 people in a matter of minutes, the first 12 killed and 10 injured happened within 15 seconds. In this time, once people got over the initial shock, something amazing happened. Many of the later injuries in this original killing, happened while the victims were trying to defend their friends or family, men stood in between the gun and their wives, or pushed their daughters under the table where they stayed safer, one man physically lay on top of his wife in an attempt to save her life - one which was ultimately successful. These people, who were in the majority of victims, all died while literally taking the bullet for people they loved. This is Love, they were willing to lay down their lives for the people that they cared about.
The next incident refers to a friend of mine. He is moderately elderly (mid 50's) and his wife was diagnosed as having early onset Alzhiemer's Syndrome, a degenerative disease affecting the brain. She survived longer than expected, 7 years. During this time, she lived in a nursing home so that she could be cared for by people who knew how best to look after her. Despite not being the primary caregiver, he visited her at least once every day, usually over lunch. He retired so that he would be able to spend more time with her. In the later stages of her life, she barely remembered anything, this included his face, voice, name, and only really how to eat and sleep. Despite this, he continued to visit her daily, right up until her death, feeding her lunch, showering her, all the things that needed to be done for her comfort and continued health. This also is Love. He freely gave of himself with no ulterior gain; he got nothing out of his continued care for her, except for spending time with her, the care could quite possibly have been given more efficiently by those trained to give it and yet because of his love for her, he couldn't stand idly by and let others care for her when he could be.
The final illustration happened through a couple of people both separately but as a result of the same event. The first happening was the actions of Ian 'Jack' Cutmore. This man died while trying to save the lives of his two step-daughters, who were twins, and one of his sons while they were swimming in a local lake. He pulled the girls out and held up his son, who was rescued. However, to do this, he got himself trapped in the same mud and silt that the children were trapped in. He died at the scene. These actions are similar to those seen at Port Arthur, but differ slightly. Unlike those at Port Arthur, he could have saved himself, had he not gone back the second time, or had he not been so single minded in his aims. The second part happened as a result of this. The biological father of the twin girls who were saved, started doing everything that he could for the family. He was already on good terms with the entire family, consisting of Jack's children from his first marriage, Jack's widow's children from her marriage with the biological father, and their own children, but this shifted into a new gear. He held an auction, donating everything that he decided he didn't need to be sold to raise money for a car for 9, education for eight, food and hopefully be able to keep their house out of town. He headed up a donation trust fund for the kids. This also is Love similar to my friends display of love with his wife. He gave, not all of his time, but much of his belongings for, not just his kids, but also his ex-wife and her children and step-children. For this, he got nothing except respect from those who respect this sort of thing.
These are all good examples of real love, not the romantic kind which seems to dominate our awareness, especially through Hollywood.
For further listening, look up a few songs which cover the different types of 'love'
- Let me put my love into you - AC/DC
- Never fall in love again - Burt Bacharach
- Fields of Gold - The Police (nice... but eventually useless)
Or slightly better
- I don't have anything - VAST
- Lady D'arbanville - Cat Stevens (doesn't really make sense until later on, and still more about his confusion and inability to believe the situation)
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